Sunday, October 21, 2012

Impatiently Waiting Patiently

Lately I have been talking to Gus about adoption.  I have always talked to him about his birth mom and when we say our prayers, we say a special prayer for her.  I am beyond thankful to "J" for making the courageous decision to choose an adoption plan for Gus.  And I am one lucky lady to be Gus' momma!  (Sidenote- Gus likes to call me "little lady" which comes out as "yittye yady".  Thank goodness he doesn't call me "lucky lady".  That would sound like "yucky yady".  Not nearly as sweet.)  When we talk about adoption, our conversation usually goes like this:

M: Gus, where do babies grow?
G: In beyies ("bellies")
M: Whose belly did you grow in?
G: J_____'s
M: And then what?
G: She gave me to keep forever!

He is little so the fact that he is starting to know about this makes me happy.  Our adoption is semi-open.  We haven't physically seen "J" since the day we all left the hospital.  For Gus to understand adoption at this young age and in our semi-open arrangement, would be amazing.  But to start talking about it and to continue to talk about it is very important.  We have always and will always be very open with Gus about adoption.  We have always talked about it and I am kind of excited about the fact that he is starting to talk about it with me.

M: Hey Gus!  Did you know that you were adopted?
G: I a doctor??

And that is where the conversation currently ends before he is off and running to play with a car or a book.  

I am such a lucky girl and I am often amazed by how much I love this little boy.  I can't imagine my life without him in it!  I found this quote below while reading an adoption blog.  It completely describes how I feel. I would just add, "and I knew that God planned for you to be mine."
Adoption has been on my mind a lot lately, in addition to chatting with Gus about it.  As you know we are currently waiting.  I learned while waiting for Gus that I am not a very patient person.  (I know...big surprise, right?)  But with adoption, we are expected to be patient.  We have been officially waiting for over two months.  We are told that it could be two years!!  Two years?!?!  My heart is already about to leap out of my chest and yet I am expected to wait patiently for that very exciting phone call.  I try hard not to think about it too much because that will only make the waiting harder.  But that is pretty difficult to do when it is a constant prayer on my heart right now.  And to make matters worse, I did something horrible today!  Yes....horrible!  I sorted through all of Gus' baby clothes.  Seriously??  What was I thinking??  First of all, I am a super emotional person of attaches easily to inanimate objects because of the memory it brings up in my mind.  I didn't do too bad sorting through the 8 it down to 6.  Part of it is because I remember specific days that Gus wore the outfit and what he did that day and I simply can't bear to give it to someone else.  Secondly, it just makes me ache for another baby!  I can't wait for another little one to snuggle into our arms and our hearts and into all of these clothes!  (By the way, you realize that because I have 6 giant boxes of baby boy clothes, we will end up with a girl this time around.  But because we don't have any boy names picked out, we will end up with a boy.  Yes...this is my luck.  Either way, we will be beyond thrilled...but you can see the conundrum that I have here.)  After sorting through these clothes, I realized that I just need to keep moving on and not focus on what is yet to come. So instead, I read a bunch of adoption blog posts and success stories and restored my hope in what is waiting for us in the future.  While reading, I found this poster... it is a good reminder that while I am pretty impatient, I must remain calm and continue to wait patiently to be a momma again.  Check back in about a month to see how patient I am staying.

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