Tonight I stared in awe at my little boy. I am still amazed at how quickly he is growing. And how much he is learning!! Today he said to me, "come with, momma!" My heart swelled! He wanted me to follow him! I would follow him to the ends of the earth if he asked me. He dragged me to the kitchen, pointed to the box of crackers in the pantry and said, "PEEZZZZ!!" He then ran over to his drawer and got out his own bowl to bring over to me. Seriously!! When did this happen? And as I watched him walk carefully with his little bowl of crackers, I got to thinking about what his life would be like if "J" didn't choose adoption for him. What would MY life be like? I shudder to even think about it. And you guessed it....by this time, I was bawling!
Earlier today I was talking to our principal about his day yesterday. He rushed home to get his boys off the bus from their first day of school. He thought they would be excited....nope....no big deal. Even that morning, apparently going to school for them seemed like no big deal. His 6 year old basically said, "Bye mom! Thanks for the waffle!" and was on his merry way to school. This brought up the conversation of Gus going to kindergarten three years from now. Of course, I get emotional thinking about it...good grief. The poor kid will be picking his mom up off the ground when he goes to school....I will be a mess!! My boss and I agreed about how important it will be for me to miss the first part of my first day of school that year in order to get Gus off to his first day of school. If I am a mess now thinking about it....imagine what I will be like three years from now!!
After I put Gus to bed tonight, I jumped on Facebook and immediately noticed the pictures that my sister-in-law posted of her kids on their first day of school. Again...the waterworks. How on earth are they in 1st and 3rd grade already?!?! Doesn't seem possible. My poor niece and nephew...they have a crazy, sappy Aunt Beth. I cry at everything with them. I remember watching my nephew during his first t-ball season. I was the aunt who was crying when she saw that little peanut playing ball.
Poor Gus...will grow up with his crazy, basket case of a mom. I'm sure I will embarrass him quite a bit with my sappiness....but I think that is part of my job as his mom. But at the same time, I am thinking that this first week back to school is hitting me hard and I am exhausted, therefore, making me even more emotional....I should probably go to bed early tonight.