Has open adoption ever felt like too much? Have you ever wanted to walk away?
That is what we were asked today at Production, Not Reproduction. I have participated a couple of times in this roundtable discussion. These questions hit me like a ton of bricks.
"Has open adoption ever felt like too much?" Honestly, it doesn't consume me as much. Before we adopted I wondered how hard it would really be. Would I be up for it? Could I handle it emotionally? So far, so good. But I think that has a lot to do with the fact that Gus' birthmom, J, is very easy going. She has made our open plan really easy. I am discovering that we are luckier than a lot of other families out there. We are very blessed the J has made it so that it never feels like too much.
There is only one exception....Mother's Day. I've only had 2 Mother's Day's so far. One when Gus was still in the womb and one with us. Before Gus was born, I dreaded Mother's Day. Not because I didn't want to celebrate my own mom, but because of the emotions and heartache. Once we decided to start a family and had repeated failure, Mother's Day became very difficult. In church they honor the mothers in the congregation on this day and they say a blessing on all of them. Never fails...I bawled. Aching to be one of those moms. Once I did become a mom, I continued to bawl in church. It still seems quite surreal. I am very blessed! The hard part, however, is thinking about the other mother out there. I know that Mother's Day is very difficult for Gus' birthmom. And because Gus is too little to do it himself, I take on the responsibility of sending something to J, to honor her for making the difficult decision she did to grant Gus life and to making an adoption plan for him. So on a day that should be one that I get to enjoy...I try to make sure that Gus' birthmom is not forgotten. That is the only time (so far) that adoption seems to be too much. This is not something that many other mom's need to think about.
"Have you ever wanted to walk away?" Heck, no! Adoption is such a blessing and we are so very blessed to have Gus in our life. And even throughout the entire process, I have never wanted to walk away. And you know what? I plan to walk right into it again when we adopt again!