Tuesday, September 28, 2010

"Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother"

I got this book before Gus was born....but didn't dare to read it until recently.  What if this book talked about the some of the thoughts I had?   Well, the author hit the nail on the head with many of these thoughts.  There were moments that I felt as though she wrote my thoughts.  At first I was a little ashamed that I had some of those thoughts but then I realized that this is reality for an adoptive mom.  I decided to chat a little bit about it here.  You will see a series of posts here of thoughts I had as I read the book. 

Chapter One: To Produce or to Purchase?

Wolff describes her struggles with infertility in the first chapter and how she and her husband decided to adopt.  Deciding to adopt wasn't difficult for us.  Before we were married we discussed adoption but we planned to have natural children as well.  When our plan to conceive didn't work out, it didn't take us long to realize that God was sending us in the direction of adoption.  No, it is not easy to adopt and yes, it is expensive but neither of these things gave us a moment of thought.  We did not even think twice about it.  We would have spent money on either path...fertility treatments or adoption. 

It wasn't until after Gus was born and he went with me to the hair salon that the money factor was brought up.  The women of the salon all gawked at him and asked lots of questions.  Many of them there knew that we were adopting.  One woman, who I had only met once before made a comment that made me pause. 

"How nice.  You did it the easy way and just bought a baby." 

Really, lady?  1)  Who would say that?  2) There is NOTHING easy about adoption.  3) We ALL pay for our babies.  Perhaps not the same way that we did but rather in paying insurance bills for doctor's appointments and hospital stays. 

After this woman made this comment, I tried to pick my jaw up off the ground, but was having very little luck.  Luckily, another woman jumped in and changed the topic.  But it really made me think.  Is this the perception that people have of adoption?  Baby buying?  I know that there was a time when this world (and it still is in some parts) had people actually selling babies, but luckily society has changed and we went through an extensive process...we didn't just write a check.  From that day on, I decided that I cannot change the thoughts that people have on adoption...but I can certainly try to educate them on adoption and separate fact from the myths.

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