Saturday, April 10, 2010

What not to say...

I know that people mean well and are genuinely interested in what is going on with us.  But recently I have had a handful of people (some family, some friends and some others) ask me a similiar question and it is starting to piss me off!

"Have you heard from the mom?"

"Do you have contact with his mom?"

"Why did his mom give him up?"

What don't people understand?  I am Gus' mom!  Just because I did not carry him in my belly or gave birth to him...I am his mom just the same.  Even his birth certificate says so!  I had my own pregnancy.  It started in November of 2007 when we started the process, "our pregnancy".  Gus was born in June of 2009.  So instead of a 9 month pregnancy...we had a 19 month pregnancy.  Our labor and delivery lasted 8 months while we waited for finalization.  Just because I did not become a mom in the traditional way, does not make me any less of Gus' mom.

I try so hard just to calmly answer people when they ask and when I answer I make sure to use the term birthmom.  I know that people aren't very familiar with adoption and the pc terminology.  I try to be patient....but I am quickly losing my patience.  Perhaps some day, I will not be as sensitive about it...but that day is not today.

Not flesh of my flesh, Nor bone of my bone,

But still miraculously my own.

Never forget for a single minute,

You didn't grow under my heart - but in it

--- Fleur Conkling Heylinger

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